Who Really Wants to “Turn Up” Every Tuesday

Let’s be honest, the only club I’m going to on a Tuesday, is club bed featuring Dj sheets and pillows. For many, that is a typical Tuesday night. Tuesday is that throw away day of the week, that you’re not annoyed with because the weekend is over, but it’s not a struggle because you haven’t really started preparing for the weekend to come. Tuesday is probably the most productive day of the week for the average person. However, we may have the one friend or family member that wants to party every Tuesday. In fact, they want to party every night if possible. They are always down for a happy hour, that really turns into 4 hours and ends with them being a little past tipsy but not quite at the drunk point yet. Some of us have a friend for family member that invites you to the lounge and then back to the spot for something a little more potent. You politely decline most of these offers, citing work or children or a “stuck up” significant other, but encourage them to “live their best life”. Yes, you might think the behavior is a bit excessive, but hey, you can’t control grown folk. You stay silent for the most part, every now an then you make a passive aggressive statement about the drinking and smoking that’s covered with big smiles, laced with dismissal. You start to rationalize the behavior: “they go to work every day” or “they aren’t in any trouble” or “it can’t be that serious”. The irony is, they are doing the same thing.

Let’s be honest, the only club I’m going to on a Tuesday, is club bed featuring Dj sheets and pillows. For many, that is a typical Tuesday night. Tuesday is that throw away day of the week, that you’re not annoyed with because the weekend is over, but it’s not a struggle because you haven’t really started preparing for the weekend to come. Tuesday is probably the most productive day of the week for the average person. However, we may have the one friend or family member that wants to party every Tuesday. In fact, they want to party every night if possible. They are always down for a happy hour, that really turns into 4 hours and ends with them being a little past tipsy but not quite at the drunk point yet. Some of us have a friend for family member that invites you to the lounge and then back to the spot for something a little more potent. You politely decline most of these offers, citing work or children or a “stuck up” significant other, but encourage them to “live their best life”. Yes, you might think the behavior is a bit excessive, but hey, you can’t control grown folk. You stay silent for the most part, every now an then you make a passive aggressive statement about the drinking and smoking that’s covered with big smiles, laced with dismissal. You start to rationalize the behavior: “they go to work every day” or “they aren’t in any trouble” or “it can’t be that serious”. The irony is, they are doing the same thing.

          When people think of an alcoholic or an addict, they often think about the “strung-out druggie”, whose personal and professional life is in shambles. They think about the person that is visibly drunk, more often than not. There is general societal disgust about the person who is “doing this” thing to themselves with no regard for how it affects those that love them. The person described above, is definitely an alcoholic/addict…….in their advanced stages. Many people may never get to this stage. Some might just stay in the “fun friend” stage. Functional alcoholics/addicts are persons who can literally function in a way conducive to societal norms throughout their addiction. They attend work daily, they ensure that bills are paid on time, they are able to tuck the munchkins in at night and remember their partner’s birthday. They also drink two bottles of wine every night after everyone goes to sleep or smokes two joints after work as a way to decompress. These are signs of addiction. Don’t try to rationalize it, or down play what is really happening. 

               Addiction is an effective negative coping mechanism and you can literally be addicted to anything: alcohol, illicit drugs, sex, food, coffee, even working out. Yes, I’m aware that saying it is effective seems as if I am promoting it. I’m not. I’m merely stating a fact. Addicts are using their addiction to cope with something that they don’t want to deal with head on. And yes, if the goal of an alcoholic is to forget about their trauma for a few hours, getting blackout drunk is an effective, albeit unhealthy way to do it. The addictive substance is the sand they have chosen to stick their head in, to avoid whatever it is they deem to be the danger.  When treating addiction, the focus isn’t on getting the individual to stop doing/taking whatever it is they are addicted to. We try to find the issue they are trying to cope with. Functional addicts are difficult to treat because they are often not aware of an issue. Truth be told, they may never actually “need treatment”. It’s one of those things, where we all know that you technically don’t need something, but in all actuality, you definitely need something. That’s what a functional alcoholic/addict is. Almost everyone around them know that there is something wrong, but they keep looking for “proof” of this addiction. That friend that “can’t hold their liquor” but gets wasted every time you go out with them, is an alcoholic. That cousin that smokes weed every single day before and/or after work, is an addict. Do not make excuses for the behavior. Do not enable the behavior. Ask them what is going on. There is something beyond the partying, alcohol, drug and even reckless sex. After treatment many addicts will cite trauma and depression as a reason they started with their preferred substance. Ask them what it is. People are hurting, and they often use IG filters and hashtags to cover up the pain they don’t want to address. Addiction usually stems from an emotional wound that has festered. It’s time to clean the wound, so the healing can begin.

Who really wants to turn up every Tuesday?…………..No one. That’s who. 

~Therapist KP~

For many, that is a typical Tuesday night. Tuesday is that throw away day of the week, that you’re not annoyed with because the weekend is over, but it’s not a struggle because you haven’t really started preparing for the weekend to come. Tuesday is probably the most productive day of the week for the average person. However, we may have the one friend or family member that wants to party every Tuesday. In fact, they want to party every night if possible. They are always down for a happy hour, that really turns into 4 hours and ends with them being a little past tipsy but not quite at the drunk point yet. Some of us have a friend for family member that invites you to the lounge and then back to the spot for something a little more potent. You politely decline most of these offers, citing work or children or a “stuck up” significant other, but encourage them to “live their best life”. Yes, you might think the behavior is a bit excessive, but hey, you can’t control grown folk. You stay silent for the most part, every now an then you make a passive aggressive statement about the drinking and smoking that’s covered with big smiles, laced with dismissal. You start to rationalize the behavior: “they go to work every day” or “they aren’t in any trouble” or “it can’t be that serious”. The irony is, they are doing the same thing.

          When people think of an alcoholic or an addict, they often think about the “strung-out druggie”, whose personal and professional life is in shambles. They think about the person that is visibly drunk, more often than not. There is general societal disgust about the person who is “doing this” thing to themselves with no regard for how it affects those that love them. The person described above, is definitely an alcoholic/addict…….in their advanced stages. Many people may never get to this stage. Some might just stay in the “fun friend” stage. Functional alcoholics/addicts are persons who can literally function in a way conducive to societal norms throughout their addiction. They attend work daily, they ensure that bills are paid on time, they are able to tuck the munchkins in at night and remember their partner’s birthday. They also drink two bottles of wine every night after everyone goes to sleep or smokes two joints after work as a way to decompress. These are signs of addiction. Don’t try to rationalize it, or down play what is really happening. 

               Addiction is an effective negative coping mechanism and you can literally be addicted to anything: alcohol, illicit drugs, sex, food, coffee, even working out. Yes, I’m aware that saying it is effective seems as if I am promoting it. I’m not. I’m merely stating a fact. Addicts are using their addiction to cope with something that they don’t want to deal with head on. And yes, if the goal of an alcoholic is to forget about their trauma for a few hours, getting blackout drunk is an effective, albeit unhealthy way to do it. The addictive substance is the sand they have chosen to stick their head in, to avoid whatever it is they deem to be the danger.  When treating addiction, the focus isn’t on getting the individual to stop doing/taking whatever it is they are addicted to. We try to find the issue they are trying to cope with. Functional addicts are difficult to treat because they are often not aware of an issue. Truth be told, they may never actually “need treatment”. It’s one of those things, where we all know that you technically don’t need something, but in all actuality, you definitely need something. That’s what a functional alcoholic/addict is. Almost everyone around them know that there is something wrong, but they keep looking for “proof” of this addiction. That friend that “can’t hold their liquor” but gets wasted every time you go out with them, is an alcoholic. That cousin that smokes weed every single day before and/or after work, is an addict. Do not make excuses for the behavior. Do not enable the behavior. Ask them what is going on. There is something beyond the partying, alcohol, drug and even reckless sex. After treatment many addicts will cite trauma and depression as a reason they started with their preferred substance. Ask them what it is. People are hurting, and they often use IG filters and hashtags to cover up the pain they don’t want to address. Addiction usually stems from an emotional wound that has festered. It’s time to clean the wound, so the healing can begin.

Who really wants to turn up every Tuesday?…………..No one. That’s who. 

~Therapist KP~

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